We must live for today because that’s all we have!
Having to support my best friend during her years battling
cancer gave me the knowledge to understand the illness, have more patience and
be proactive. She was like a sister to
me. Our last days together were very
special because we spent every minute side by side enjoying each other’s
company. I helped her family make
important decisions and worked with her doctors to make sure she had the best
care. I gave her massages to keep her
comfortable, talked to her while she was asleep and was by her side day and
night caring for her in every way possible.
On the third day of being with her in the hospital, I found
myself wide awake at 3:00am. I looked
over at her and thought to myself “What’s the life lesson?” She was
part of my life for 21 years. It was so
hard to remain strong. I felt hopeless knowing there was nothing I
could do to take away her pain. She wasn’t
able to say much other than to call my name from time to time. Going through this made me realize that in
life nothing matters other than how you help others by listening, understanding
and giving your time. It was an
experience that changed my perspective on life and made me realize how precious
life really is.
It was finally time to say goodbye. I looked at her lying in the hospital
bed. She had a hot pink headband wrapped
around her head. I walked over slowly
and sat down by her side. Every part of
me was broken, knowing that these were our last moments together. Holding back tears I whispered “Everything
is going to be fine.” She said “I
know.” I gave her a hug that said “I
love you more than words could ever express.”
At this point my tears were uncontrollable; they were flowing like a
river. She said “Te amo mucho, gracias.” At that moment I felt a piece of my heart
die. I couldn’t let go. The pain was unbearable. With every tear I felt my heart being cut into
pieces. It took every part of me to let
go and walk away. That’s when I knew
our life story of 21 years had reached its last chapter. It was a goodbye I will never forget. She walked into heaven on Saturday August 17,
2013.
The next few days were devastating. Trying to keep my head clear, while making the
necessary funeral arrangements, was almost impossible. Before she left she gave me special
instructions and wishes for her funeral. I have no idea where I got the strength to
deal with all the changes, emotions and decisions. I picked out her clothes for her welcoming
into heaven with an empty heart. I was completely
numb. I spoke at her memorial service
with loving words that touched many hearts.
From time to time I’ve wondered “why do I have my own
business?” Now I know it’s a blessing
to have the freedom to set my own schedule. Having my own business gave me the ability to
be by her side for weeks with no worries. Today, I find myself coping with the change of
not being able to speak with her every day. I visit her grave often so we can play catch
up for now. We made arrangements for her to be buried at a
cemetery that’s less than two miles from my home so I get to visit her often. There is a process for everything in life; I
am grieving her loss day by day. I miss
her every day more than yesterday!
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