There’s nothing pretty about a breakup….
It doesn’t matter how you announce the news, “a breakup
sucks.” There are so many
changes with any breakup that you end up hurting each other. It’s inevitable. I’ve had a few breakups in my life; from
breaking up with boyfriends, ending business relationships, a marriage,
friendships etc. They are all hard to do but sometimes necessary.
I found myself having responsibilities early in life; I
spent all of my 20s married and ended up with a relationship of 12 long years. There
was a lot that was expected of me and I was being pulled in so many different
directions. I found myself with a household, a husband, a corporate
job, a business, financial obligations, parent requests, friend’s opinions and
it was absolutely overwhelming. I was
becoming an adult the hard way by having to make constant “grownup” decisions. The
challenge to keep up with these decisions was more than I could handle and my
happiness was at stake.
My husband, at the time, and I talked about how our lives
were changing and we discussed what was important to us. He wanted to have children and start a family but,
my desire was to build a business. He wanted me to be a stay-at-home-mom but I
wasn’t ready to have children. I had so
much on my plate; there just wasn’t any room left. We went back and forth with discussions that
finally lead us to the courthouse to file for divorce. One day, I said to him “Why don’t you just cheat
to make this process easier?” His response was “I have no reason to cheat, I
love you too much.” I loved my husband at the time but, I didn’t want that
lifestyle. I grew up inside our
marriage, he was older.
That was the
beginning of new changes for me to discover what really mattered and how I
wanted to live the rest of my life. Once
the reality of the divorce hit, I was devastated. It wasn’t easy at first and so much different
than what I imagined but, the decision was made. It was then that I decided to find my purpose
and discover new things about myself. I
made the decision not to date and instead dedicated this time to transition
into my new life. It was a personal
decision to be single. It has been a
process defining my purpose and what matters to me. I encourage you to heal any emotional
challenges before you walk into a new relationship. You are doing the favor to yourself!
This is GOALYGO!
Having gone through a divorce, I can understand. I had been pulled in so many different directions. I didn't have the best upbringing to mirror with a marriage. My first husband "saved" me from my family. He was my escape. I found that the longer I was married to him, the more I was losing myself. It did help that he cheated. I was very young when we married, just 22. I thought I knew him and knew myself. I thought I was an adult. I look back now and realize that neither one of us knew ourselves. I made decisions that I never should have made. I wanted to be that stay-at-home mom, he didn't want children. He had lied to me at the beginning of our relationship telling me that he did. I wanted to do something with my life, go to school, and make something of myself. He was content working for the mouse in a job that he would never grow in. (BTW, he now moved back to our home state and works for his mommy and daddy) It was 2 months after our divorce was final that I met my current husband. Within 10 months, we were married and expecting. I have my time as a stay-at-home mom, homeschooling my lil guy, and I am going to school on top of it. I am also working at getting my business up and going. Its all a process, but a whole lot easier with the person who has the same goals and desires as you do!! I think you made the right decision!
ReplyDeleteI believe our past decisions allow us to grow one way or another. I'm glad I was married and happy to create the next chapter in my life.
ReplyDeleteI agree; ending a relationship has never been easy. Particularly when it comes to divorce, as it can be traumatic and daunting -- both the experience, and the process of divorce itself. But in my opinion, acceptance is always the key to have a successful recovery. Once you achieve it, everything else will follow. And I’m glad that you finally achieved that. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteJoanne Krueger @ Kurtz & Blum